Sacred Sexuality Secrets Newsletter Archives

SUBJECT: Explicit Tantric Tips To Supercharge Spiritual Love

Did You Come Yet? - Should You Ask Or Say "I'm Coming?"

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Tantric Sex Tips from Sacred Sexual Secrets Newsletter 3-23-05

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  Published by Dhyan Somraj Pokras and Dhyan Jeffre TallTrees

    ISSN 1540-8825  (c) Copyright 2005 by Tantra At Tahoe

P.S. Scroll to the bottom for addresses to click on or to unsubscribe.

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Dear Tantric Amigos: Yes, friends, we're glad you're staying plugged in

to the joys of Supreme Bliss Tantra by reading our newsletters. Our

Spanish theme inspired this issue's article and we hope it inspires you

to get more tuned in to your lovemaking. Do you routinely announce

when you're about to come?

No don't get the idea that we're always talking about sex. No, we take

breaks to write, ski, and walk our dogs in the mountain paradise of

Lake Tahoe, California. But our Tantric life does allow us lots of time to

help clients get clear about what they want.

And look into fascinating issues like sexual communication. Plus it

gives us time to test all sorts of interesting new sexual exercises that

we put in our growing line of Tantric Sex ebooks, as well as powerful

sexual aids and enhancers. Don't miss the special offers and

discounts on the ones we're featuring this issue.

We look forward to hearing from you. Right now we're enjoying receiving

emails about sexual myths we didn't include in our last issue. By the

way, thanks to Linda Smith for such a great contribution. Linda, you've

earned a free registration in our new Tantric Sex Muscle Ecourse which

is halfway complete. Hopefully, we'll have it done before spring hits us

here in the mountains.

Wishing you the joys of Supreme Bliss in and out of bed,

            Somraj and Jeffre

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Did You Come Yet? Should You Ask Or Say "I'm Coming?"

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Let's be completely explicit about most lovers' favorite goal: sexual

orgasm. Or maybe, like us, you call it "coming."

We started thinking about this recently in our Spanish class while

conjugating the verb "to come." As we walked away from class, we were

muttering under our breath "vengo, vengo, vengo!" For non-Latin lovers

out there, that means "I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming!"

A delightful thing to say or hear, don't you agree? Well, maybe not for

everyone all the time. Especially when one of you isn't ready. What do

you think, should you ask or say when you're coming or not?

We can't say it should be always be one way or another. As most things

in Supreme Bliss Tantra, the right answer is really up to you in each

climactic encounter. Our purpose here isn't trying to preach and tell

you what you should do. Instead, we want to get you looking at this

dicey point in lovemaking for many people.

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Timing Is Everything

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We realize that raising this who issue of announcing your impending

orgasm can make guys who've ever suffered from premature ejaculation

feel anxious. Frankly, most guys do at one time or another. It's just a

part of the ball game.

If a man tends to come too soon, it's natural for him to want to avoid

the subject and not admit that it's about to happen. Somraj used to

suffer from this tendency, but thankfully his dedication to the path of

Supreme Bliss Tantra helped him overcome it.

Frankly, the mechanisms of premature ejaculation are complex,

involving much more than physiology. That includes hard-to-manage

internal processes like feelings, emotions, beliefs, intimacy, closeness,

etc. Fortunately, his best-selling ebook, "Ultimate Ejaculation

Mastery," can help any man change this pattern. Which is why it's

featured this issue. (See below for discount specials.)

Then, any man can time his seminal eruptions and be proud to

announce "vengo, vengo, vengo!" when he chooses to let go. But does

he and his lover really want to speak up?

Or from another point of view, would his lover want him to wait forever

and never come? From Somraj's ebook, men can learn to last as long as

they want and time their wet explosions. Sure, most women will get

lots more pleasure from longer lovemaking.

But some women don't believe that they're a good lover if their partner

doesn't come. This takes a adjustment in Tantric Attitude.

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Orgasm Is An Inside Job

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Again, Supreme Bliss Tantra doesn't pronounce right or wrong on this

or any other subject. Come if and when you want to. Push your sweetie

over the edge if you want to. Scream out loud if you want to. We

encourage anything with consciousness that turns you on.

To some lovers, talking dirty is a turn-on. Bursting out with "I'm

coming!" can be really hot. It can blast open the circuits of the one

who's going over the top to reach for the stars.

And it can be awfully satisfying for the partner who has their hand (or

more) in such a pinnacle of excitement.

Any lover likes to give pleasure. When your bedmate shoots over an

orgasmic crescendo, it can be glorious to conclude "Look what I did!"

Yet, did you ever consider who's really responsible for these peaks of

pleasure? Certainly a good lover contributes to their partner's arousal.

But huge benefits result from Supreme Bliss Tantra's guidance that

we're each ultimately responsible for our own pleasure.

Have you ever been with a lover who doesn't:

  - Like sex?

  - Know what turns them on?

  - Ask for what they want?

  - Let themself relax and enjoy loveplay?

  - Show you what's bringing them pleasure?

  - Know what pushes them over the top?

  - Show or who hides their orgasms, or worse yet, fakes them?

These situations are often the cause for feeling you need to ask "Did

you come yet?" Well, we've all been in one of these places at one time

or another.

Orgasm is more an inside job.

That's why we teach lovers to take responsibility for their own arousal,

ascent, and eruptions. When your partner is in charge of their own

sexual pleasure, you can respond without fumbling, guessing, or mind-

reading. Then you have the freedom to focus on your own pleasure, too.

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Is It Your Ego-Driven Mind Or Your Body That Enjoys Sex?

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Of course, this brings up the whole issue of ego: is what happens

during lovemaking necessary to make you feel that you're a good lover?

We applaud the satisfaction that you get from seemingly pushing your

lover over the top.

But, if your happiness is tied to your expectations, it's easy to end up

suffering from performance anxiety while making love. And from

emotional frustration if what you're hoping doesn't happen.

Supreme Bliss Tantra guides those adventuresome lovers who want to

shed these common human limitations and make sex spiritual. Yes,

you can learn to enter into loveplay from the heart, being in the

moment, going with the flow, and enjoying whatever happens, be it

cosmic orgasm or a silly collision of differing needs that you can laugh

at yourself about and learn from.

As with any spiritual path, Supreme Bliss Tantra shows you how to

look at what you've been doing, often on automatic pilot. You consider

how it feels and what baggage you've been lugging around that's

activating your behavior. When you've shed what isn't serving you, you

can pivot to being more of how you want to be, whatever way brings you

the most joy.

Our beginners guide ebook, "Supreme Bliss Tantra" teaches a six-stage

approach to spiritual sex that teaches this fun and expansive path. It

brings multiple sources of delight into your loveplay, from the heart,

mind, soul, and body.

Women especially appreciate sweet sentiments, gentle touching,

intimate bonding as much -- or more than -- the Big O. If you talk with

your lover about issues like we've raised here, you'll undoubtedly

discover a whole lot about intimate subjects like this. And decide what

you should each say when during lovemaking.

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We Don't Target The Big O

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Maybe that's why it's so fundamental in Supreme Bliss Tantra to

concentrate on feeling as much pleasure in each moment as we can

generate and leaving the goal of orgasm alone. Letting the climax come

to you is a better philosophy than forcing the issue.

If you're too focused on orgasm as the grand finale of the main event,

lots of the problems we've alluded to here are more likely to get in your

way. You want to make your honey blast off but you don't know how

you're doing. So you have to ask "Did you come yet?"

Just having to ask is a reflection of how much more room you both

have to get in sync, to open your communication channels, to tune in

to each other's feelings. So if you get the urge to ask if he or she came

yet, pat yourself on the back for wanting to understand more. And then

maybe decide if it would be a good time afterwards to talk about the

issues we've raised here.

When you approach orgasm from an easy-going comfort zone, the peaks

that overwhelm you become so much more cosmic.

Whatever you decide, we just want you to know that we love to come in

multiple ways in Supreme Bliss Tantra. We want to encourage you to

expand your orgasmic repertoire, too. When we do, we often like to

announce it. Do you? What does your lover feel when you do? What are

your feelings either way?

Looking inside and discussing these kinds of questions is where true

personal transformation comes from.

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If You Get Good At This Maybe You Can Come Together

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Of course, saying "I'm coming!" ata the right time requires some

talents. For one, you have to know when you're close. That means you

have to be awake, aware, and alive inside your body. In our sexually

repressed society, this doesn't always come easy either.

Though we find so many ways in Supreme Bliss Tantra to experience

the highs of sexual ecstasy, we do applaud those lovely moments of

simultaneous orgasm. To enjoy coming together requires even more

self-mastery. If you have trouble orgasming, you need to be able to

time the final ascent. If you tend to orgasm too soon, you need to be

able to hold off until you're lover is ready.

For total satisfaction, this isn't necessary each and every time you

make love. But when it does, we hope you celebrate it as we do.

Learning ejaculation mastery is as much a learning curve for a woman

as it is for a man. Are the two of you in touch with each other's

energies? Can you read each other's signals of impending eruption? Are

you in sync at mind, heart, and soul, too, or just having your own

private experience?

That's why there are two chapters worth of explicit partner lovemaking

exercises in "Ultimate Ejaculation Mastery." Once a man learns the

solo mastery formula outlined in the first two practice chapters, the

real fun begins. Then the two lovers need to practice the ascent to

orgasmic bliss together.

We wish you lots and lots of practice rising in Supreme Bliss hand in

hand, or more likely, plugged into each other.

Ecstatically yours,

                    Somraj and Jeffre

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