Merge Spirit With Sex
Deeper into the heart of sex
|What Is Tantra?
Tantra is an ancient spiritual practice from the East that shows us how to use sexual energy to raise consciousness. It began 5000 years ago in India as a rebellion against strict Hindu religious, limiting pleasure and personal evolution to the higher castes. Tantra emerged so ordinary folks could learn how to get ahead spiritually by diving fully into the energies of life instead of repressing desire.
Is this too good to be true or what? Imagine a new age method that helps you evolve while you're having the most ecstatic sex of your life. Well, that's Tantra.
|Why Bother With Tantra?
Now why would any red-blooded modern man bother with a spiritual practice like Tantra? Because this is how you learn to...
Those may be pretty big claims, but wait for the bottom line: above all else, Tantra has what women want. That's got to be the clincher.
But don't think it's just about lovemaking. If you persevere with Tantric studies - and make no mistake it takes time, discipline, and lots of practice - you'll probably become expert in female anatomy, foreplay, arousal techniques, erotic massage, and sexual positions. If that's what you're seeking, you'll miss the mark.
You see, Tantra is more about feelings and energy. It's about the kinds of things that guys in the Western world are definitely NOT bred for. But you can learn if you're willing and interested.
You still interested? Good. But you've come to the wrong place if you're visiting this site looking for...
Yes, I'm trying to talk you out of wasting our time and yours if your intentions with Tantra aren't honorable. Does that sound at all like the father with a shotgun protecting his daughter? Well, maybe it does, because, in spite of these claims of boosting virility, Tantra does honor the feminine principle.
|You see, on average, Tantra is more difficult for guys. We tend to be in our minds a lot. Recognizing feelings and connecting through the heart is challenging. Some of us resist new agey things so we're harder to teach. If you get past all that, you find that your body just doesn't move inside and out the ways you need to do excel at Tantra.|
|At first glance, it would seem that the worst part of that for a guy who's been driven by sex his whole adult life is the diminishing hormones. Yes, I'm talking about being able to get it up and keep it up. Couple that with my lifelong aptitude to cum real quick and you might expect my lovemaking score to be dropping too. On the contrary, with Tantra I'm enjoying sex much more than ever, getting a lot more a lot more often, and getting the most fantastic feedback from my lovers.
Being A Guy
I was a real modern guy. I worked hard and played hard. I drove a fast sports car and a faster light plane. I hung out with the guys at the racquetball court a few nights a week and sometimes drank a lot with them. I was a workaholic, squeezing every drop of productivity out of every minute, and traveled often. I kept proving to myself that I could do anything I set out to do.
I think the best way to give you the real story about Tantra is to relate my personal experience. My name is Somraj, I live near Lake Tahoe, California, and I'm in my 50s. In spite of always being physical and athletic, it just seems that more and more all parts of my body don't work as well as they used to.
|And then I discovered that my wonderful wife of many years was faking orgasms.
No, she wasn't usually like that. We both believed our sex was great. It's just that a friend gave her a vibrator and she learned something deeper about her own sexuality by having the first really big one of her life. And it took her a while to summon the courage to explain it all to me.
|cumming by thinking about baseball. Frankly, watching baseball on TV is too boring, so this meant I reduced my own satisfaction from sex.
Since I was supposed to be the symphony conductor in the sack, that meant I needed to know the most powerful buttons to turn a woman on, right? What's the old joke: you mean there's more than just sticking it in?
|Painting The Picture
Of course, I was crushed. To paint this picture clearly, you need to look at the background. Sex in my mind meant that it was my job to please a woman. Now, many women also believe it's their job to please the man, so often nobody is taking care of themselves in bed.
|A Henry Miller Novel?
Sure, I knew what a clitoris was. Hey, I'm intelligent I heard of the G-spot. But don't make me point exactly to each of them on my lover's body. You think I knew the best way to arouse them at each stage of lovemaking? Well, sort of, but like the ad, not exactly.
|I didn't realize how important tuning into one's own pleasure was then. I thought you prevented||I thought I was sexually open and uninhibited. But I didn't talk about stuff like this. I didn't ask|
|questions. I'd never gotten out a flashlight like in a Henry Miller novel and checked out the female body parts carefully. Sex was a little foreplay (I knew about that and was willing to a limited extent), getting hard, getting in, and trying not to cum. When I did cum too quickly in too many cases, it was all over. Quick recovery was another thing I didn't major in.
Still A Teenager
Actually, even when I got laid frequently, I was sexually frustrated. When I was a teenager I never got enough, and it seemed like the dammed-up flood of horniness even after decades was still hounding me. A little stimulation and it would engulf me. I'd try to resist cuming, and got better at it the more I practiced, but I was always under tension instead of relaxing and having fun.
You see, what was going on in my
|mind wasn't helping. Technically I guess we'd call it performance anxiety. Could I please a woman? Is she enjoying it enough? Would I cum too quick? Is she comparing me to others? Did she cum yet? And as I got older, could I stay hard long enough? This kind of mental tension may work in business, but it sure was a major energy drain and distraction during sex.
Back To The Story
Like a modern guy, in all the other parts of my life I set challenging goals and continuously stretched myself to do more and better. So my wife and I tried everything to improve orgasms: toys, sex therapists, celibacy, relationship counseling, swinging, intimacy workshops, we even dabbled with Tantra. That's when I began to learn how to last forever without really understanding what was happening. Though things improved a little, the basic problem remained.
|That's about the time I met Jeffre. (Yes, my partner with what sounds like a guy's name is a very sexy woman.) She invited me to a little impromptu Tantra session with a couple of old friends. She showed us how to breath, move our bodies, squeeze our sexual muscles, and visualize energy moving. It's an exercise our teacher calls "Riding the Tiger" even though there's no physical contact. I tried it in time with some sensuous background music and it felt good.
Then Jeffre did the exercise. She moved sensuously and breathed into her genitals for a couple minutes. Then she did the same in her belly. Then the same in her solar plexus.
And she came! I couldn't believe it. She wasn't touching herself anywhere. She just exploded with orgasmic energy.
Remember the great movie "When Harry Met Sally"? Yep, I said "I'll have what she's having" and my life has never been the same.
Now, sex is passionate and uninhibited. I can have the equivalent of orgasm after orgasm and still want more. It's like floating endlessly on an orgasmic cloud, never wanting to land. I never thought I would believe it, but riding the peak just before ejaculating is much better than blowing my wad.
|Oh, sure, I still cum sometimes, mostly when I choose, and would never try to talk anyone out of it. But imagine the feeling of orgasm surging powerfully through every part of your body over and over. You've just got to experience Tantric sex to really grokk the ecstatic power of a continuous whole body orgasm. (You can find more details about how this kind of lovemaking compares to average run-of-the-mill sex on our Tantric Love Play page.)
Now, I'm much more playful, spontaneous, and creative in bed. I guess you can tell that I love women and making love to them. Sex has become more about intimacy, respect, and connecting at multiple levels. I discover what turns my lovers on by talking, watching, and experimenting. We get in sync and find new feelings and actions that really send each other.
Oh, Those Yummy Sounds
We both move around to stay comfortable and increase sensation, and give lots of feedback. Mostly through sounds not words, just those delicious murmurs that turn me on so much when I hear them respond to what I'm doing.
|Though I'm much more creative, I don't feel responsible for my partner's pleasure. Through Tantric practice, we've each learned to take charge of our own pleasure. It's much more about subtle energy, the delicate shifts inside, than it's about hard pumping or fast sucking.
I concentrate on feelings and sensations, moving slowly and stopping frequently to let
|the juice flood our bodies. My use of the orgasmic keys of breath, sound, and movement help expand the little tickles inside into pounding waves. When I'm giving pleasure, I know how to open my channels so that my lover's ecstasy floods my body and really turns me on. Can you see how PIV sex (penis in vagina) becomes less necessary when so much can happen without it? By the way, let us know if you're interested in the new book we're working on, 101 Ways To Make Love Without Intercourse.
How Do You Learn This?
Our spiritual master, Osho, said it best: "Relax, accept, and delight, and you will be transformed." First, drop all pretense of being the total master of all things sexual. Accept whatever your dick is doing and stop trying to make your partner cum. Focus on pleasure alone. Simply explore what feels good to both of you and keep doing more of it.
Get in touch with the present moment without expectation. Learn to be completely honest without comparing yourself to any magical cocksman real or imagined. Create this kind of
|authentic relationship with your partner so that sex becomes divine play, not a goal-oriented performance or competition.
You need to heighten your sensitivity to your feelings and your body. Most of us are so armored that this takes diligent practice and gradual healing. The good news and bad news with Tantric practice is you've got to keep
|doing those juicy erotic exercises over and over. Damn, what a way to go!
Foreplay By Any Other Name
With a willing partner, this means lots of what I used to call foreplay. Now it's just loveplay. If it's highly pleasurable, why does it have to lead to any after? Explore each other's bodies and exchange a lot of sensuous massage. You'll undoubtedly discover new sensitivities and erogenous zones. (My feet didn't use to be even ticklish, now they're a couple of downright orgasmic stimulators.)
You'll learn to use the three keys that our teacher, Margot Anand's great book, The Art Of Sexual Ecstasy, is based on: breath, sound, and movement. Using these orgasmic tools, you can fuel subtle energies of arousal and engage your whole body in waves of passion. Did you notice the shift to lots of other things away from the genitals alone?
|One of the fundamental processes of Tantra is to merge your male qualities with your inner female. Yes, both genders have masculine and feminine energies inside. Unfortunately, society conditions us to repress the opposite gender so we end up one-sided and unable to connect smoothly with the other.
So, you have to recognize what women want and cultivate some of that sensitivity within you. Do real men eat quiche? Yes, because only secure men can honor and respond to feminine qualities.
What Women Want
If you're adventuresome, you could read our women's page to understand what they're looking for. Beware, it reads much differently than a guy's story.
The classic distinction is that men want sex and women want love.
|Actually, we both want both, and more. It's just that, as a general rule, men tend to start at the genitals and women at the heart. So we get horny and they feel unloved. Through the structure of Tantric ritual, you can satisfy a woman's desire for intimacy, respect, sensitivity, communication, safety, and love.
What women want, as do men who acknowledge the power of their inner female, is what Tantra offers: intimate communion at all levels. Tantric practice teaches how to connect our hearts, satisfy our bodies, and merge our spirits. When we each learn to relax and open our inner channels, we can flow energy and exchange all the forces of life with a partner. This is why Tantra is also called sacred sexuality.
Oh, No, Not A Bunch of Ritual?
This raises the spiritual aspect of Tantra. As much as I've resisted it, I have to admit that ritual in Tantra isn't some kind of serious untouchable ceremony without meaning. Instead, you use the mechanics of Tantra in your own unique way to focus on subtle energies and get both partners to feel different. Special? Holy? Godlike?
Tantrikas believe we are all aspects of the divine. When you sit across from your partner in a space you've
|consciously made sacred, you feel that you're in the presence of the Goddess, whatever her emotional state or physical condition.
As an intelligent guy, you know how every woman craves to be worshipped. Before, I was reluctant to honor the Goddess in my partner for fear of reinforcing those qualities I didn't like. Instead, Tantra has shown me how to use sacred ritual to attract and emphasize those divine qualities that draw me to my partner. And, oh yeah, to leave some of my bullshit behind too.
The Ultimate Tantric Experience
All of this brings us to the culmination of Tantric practice, sex as meditation. When you both float together in an altered state of bliss, ecstatic energy circling through and between your bodies, then you reach a still timeless place where you feel totally connected. There's nothing to seek, no place to go.
Sex, heart, spirit, bodies, minds all merge into one. You feel no separation, no distance. You become one with the universe.
Deciding that your sexuality will be different is a wonderful start. But even for the most macho amongst us, mental certainty may not be enough.
That's why we offer our Tantric Sex Assess to help you make your sex life a total success. Join us for an hour on the phone in which we'll shed light on your most pressing issues including how can you
This last one is of such pervasive concern that I've written an email book entitled "Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Mastery" which presents the Ultimate Ecstatic Solution to premature ejaculation.
|If You're Ready To Begin
We urge all clients to make sure they're looking for what sacred sexuality has to offer.
Decide that you're willing to make sacred sexuality a priority in your life. This means you have to commit to spend some time with us and on your own several times a week continuously. And, of course, you have to be willing to spend some money on our fees.
Whichever of the following options you choose, we'll need some detailed information from you. Our questions are listed on some forms referenced below. We will respect your privacy and keep everything we learn about you confidential. But if you want to remain anonymous or withhold details, we're sorry we won't be able to help you.
|Choose Your Best Option|